four walls, no walls, you and me.


notes from sunday
June 14, 2007, 1:34 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Last Sunday was the Feast of Corpus Christi. I won’t go into detail about why I hate going to mass at my church (I have enough sins without adding blaspheming the Church to that list) and this past Sunday was no different. Except it was the Feast of Corpus Christi. And how does one escape a homily on the Eucharist on such a day?

Transubstantiation Vs. Transignification and the words of St. Thomas Aquinas.

I remember watching Drawing Restraint 9 with Elly and the two of us cringing at the sight of Matthew Barney and Bjork eating each other’s flesh before metamorphosing into dolphins together. The thought of it literally made me want to physically vomit.

I would like to think I am of the Transubstantiation camp, but I’m not sure. I do think there is more to the mystery of the Eucharist than Transignification allows. But there is too much of me that has lost faith. If Christ were to offer me his flesh and blood, literally, would I take it? Would you take it? If my heart believes but my brain is doubting, does it count for anything? Is it more harmful to be divided of self, to only half believe, than to not believe at all?

Saint Thomas Aquinas said that the only thing the angels are jealous of is that we get to partake in the body and blood of Christ. I think I have lost that sense of awe and humility before the Eucharist. And I am feeling the pain of my doubts.

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