four walls, no walls, you and me.

enough, is, enough?
September 6, 2007, 2:57 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

if you’ve been around me long enough you know that there are certain things that trigger deeply rooted, at times illogical, incredibly ferocious anger or sadness. there has been more than one casualty to say the least and although i am really, truely sorry these things happen, i cannot seem to break myself of this terrible, terrible habit. I suppose that’s what therapy is for, to help sort out these issues, but healing and health is such a long, slow, uphill struggle. in the meantime, what am i to do with the remnants of a past i cannot let go of? how does one become one whole of something when there are about a thousand extra pieces that are trying to fit into the puzzle too? how many times can i keep running into the same wall before i realize that it’s not mine to run into?

as much as i would like to not blog about therapy, yesterday was an interesting session. my head was pounding the whole time and it was all i could do to not keep hitting it every two seconds. the issue of meds was brought up with ambiguous results and i am still not sure how i feel about it. although i suppose this sinking feeling in my stomach as i am typing this now should be an indication. i didn’t cry, i didn’t scream, i didn’t do anything. i just sat there and we talked, sort of, and by the end i felt just as heavy as when i walked in. but there was a sort of shift that happened. like i moved a milimeter to the left and was able to see my brain from outside of myself. that was enough. it was totally enough and it came without bells and whistles. no grand parade down the street. just a tiny little shift and now i am here, leaning a little to the left, and that is enough.


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