four walls, no walls, you and me.

i feel sick
July 30, 2008, 3:19 pm
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i feel sick. and uncomfortable. and my eyes hurt. particularly my right eye.

i feel lonely. the house is empty. and so quiet.

i feel empty. but the faucet leaks. and the hose leaks.

i feel sad. for no reason….a lot of reasons.

i feel anxious. about tomorrow. and the rest of today.

i feel like i don’t feel much of anything these days.

and that makes me feel……


July 29, 2008, 12:17 pm
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there was an earthquake today. about 20 minutes ago in fact. a 5.4 which is standard fare for california.

for some reason it seemed out of place. i think of summertime as being exempt from things like natural disasters. so to be sitting down at lunch and have the walls and ground shake in the middle of summer made me a little shakey as well. i guess the days of summer are gone.

Haiku of the day
July 8, 2008, 9:41 am
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Blown from the West by Yosa Buson

Blown from the West

fallen leaves gather

in the west

July 7, 2008, 12:33 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking about this poem a lot recently so i thought i’d post it here.

Persimmons by Li-Young Lee

In sixth grade Mrs. Walker
slapped the back of my head
and made me stand in the corner
for not knowing the difference
between persimmon and precision.
How to choose 

persimmons. This is precision.
Ripe ones are soft and brown-spotted.
Sniff the bottoms. The sweet one
will be fragrant. How to eat:
put the knife away, lay down the newspaper.
Peel the skin tenderly, not to tear the meat.
Chew on the skin, suck it,
and swallow. Now, eat
the meat of the fruit,
so sweet,
all of it, to the heart. 

Donna undresses, her stomach is white.
In the yard, dewy and shivering
with crickets, we lie naked,
face-up, face-down,
I teach her Chinese.
Crickets: chiu chiu. Dew: I've forgotten.
Naked: I've forgotten.
Ni, wo: you and me.
I part her legs,
remember to tell her
she is beautiful as the moon. 

Other words
that got me into trouble were
fight and fright, wren and yarn.
Fight was what I did when I was frightened,
fright was what I felt when I was fighting.
Wrens are small, plain birds,
yarn is what one knits with.
Wrens are soft as yarn.
My mother made birds out of yarn.
I loved to watch her tie the stuff;
a bird, a rabbit, a wee man. 

Mrs. Walker brought a persimmon to class
and cut it up
so everyone could taste
a Chinese apple. Knowing
it wasn't ripe or sweet, I didn't eat
but watched the other faces. 

My mother said every persimmon has a sun
inside, something golden, glowing,
warm as my face. 

Once, in the cellar, I found two wrapped in newspaper,
forgotten and not yet ripe.
I took them and set them both on my bedroom windowsill,
where each morning a cardinal
sang, The sun, the sun. 

Finally understanding
he was going blind,
my father sat up all one night
waiting for a song, a ghost.
I gave him the persimmons,
swelled, heavy as sadness,
and sweet as love. 

This year, in the muddy lighting
of my parents' cellar, I rummage, looking
for something I lost.
My father sits on the tired, wooden stairs,
black cane between his knees,
hand over hand, gripping the handle.
He's so happy that I've come home.
I ask how his eyes are, a stupid question.
All gone, he answers. 

Under some blankets, I find a box.
Inside the box I find three scrolls.
I sit beside him and untie
three paintings by my father:
Hibiscus leaf and a white flower.
Two cats preening.
Two persimmons, so full they want to drop from the cloth. 

He raises both hands to touch the cloth,
asks, Which is this? 

This is persimmons, Father. 

Oh, the feel of the wolftail on the silk,
the strength, the tense
precision in the wrist.
I painted them hundreds of times
eyes closed. These I painted blind.
Some things never leave a person:
scent of the hair of one you love,
the texture of persimmons,
in your palm, the ripe weight.

naked archaeologist
July 7, 2008, 12:17 pm
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saw two episodes this past sunday on history international. this episode on Joshua was great! I wish the preview aslso showed lego Joshua slaughtering scores of lego sheep and donkeys with lego blood spilling out in red cubes. brilliant.

to up the nerd factor even more, I also watched a  marathon of deadliest catch. and it was awesome.

diy fonts
July 2, 2008, 12:44 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today I spent the morning on which is my old new favorite internet addiction and got lost once again in the world of fonts. For anyone who has not seen Helvetica ( you must netflix it right now. Anyway, in one of the posts i found a cool website where you can create your own fonts. Enjoy.

On an aside, I am reminded once again that I do not respond well to threats. And I am really sad my therapist is on vacation this week. What terrible timing.